


All I would think about was kissing you

by CaptainGay



Series: The Wilds prompts [5]
Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Jealousy, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 19:47:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30094191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainGay/pseuds/CaptainGay
Summary: Prompt: post island canon kinda where they both go back to school and stay “besties”. Leah gets a boyfriend and is constantly going to fatin for advice like date ideas and kissing Ect so they end up practising for Leah at each stage coz she’s so nervous. But obvs they slowly fall for each other. Or just Fatin jealousy !! As Leah gets a boyfriendFatin knew about her feelings for Leah. She knew, but she never acted on them. Why hadn't she just acted on them? Leah's going on a date. With a boy. But Leah is nervous and Fatin (like an idiot) suggests she can practice kissing on her. It was a stupid mistake and Fatin needs to learn how to deal with it. She needs to learn how to deal with Leah dating someone who isn't her. As the days go by and Leah is still seeing that boy, its getting harder and harder for Fatin to hide her feelings.
Relationships: Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke
Series: The Wilds prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208834
Comments: 12
Kudos: 99





	All I would think about was kissing you

**Author's Note:**

> I really wish I could just write Leatin fics instead of doing school work. But, I had a midterm to study for, so that's why it took me this long to upload another prompt fic. More will be coming at the end of the week!
> 
> Enjoy :)

Adjusting back to “normal” life wasn’t as hard as Fatin had thought it would be.

Well, it certainly wasn’t easy. Her father was still a cheat. Her mother still defended him. She had to go to therapy every two weeks. Half her teachers coddled her, the other half didn’t seem to care about what happened to her (both cases infuriated her). None of her old friends treated her how they used to and she quickly had to cut them off for her own wellbeing. On top of it all, she had to act perfectly put together everywhere she went, lest someone took a photo of her when she had dirt in her eye and the next day tabloids ran wild with articles titled “member of Unsinkable Eight gets teary-eyed at school” or some other bullshit.

It wasn’t all bad, though. Her parents didn’t force her to devote her life to the cello anymore (but, her mother made comments every once and a while about what she was going to do with her life if she wasn’t playing music). The therapy sessions were actually helpful, even if she felt emotionally drained after every one. Her brothers were happy to have her back and their smiling faces did wonders to make a bad day feel manageable. And she had the girls.

Honestly, if Fatin could trade the girls for a normal, easily happy life, she wouldn’t hesitate to refuse the offer. She loved them. It was a pretty shitty situation in which they met, but she didn’t want to think of who she would be if she hadn’t met them. They brought light and laughter into her life, even from hundreds of miles away.

Then there was Leah. Fatin  _ loved _ her. She didn’t know what more could be said.

* * *

“He asked me out.”

Fatin’s blood ran cold.

“What?” It was the only word she could form.

“That guy I’ve been talking to. He asked me out.” Leah was beaming. It was like a knife to her heart.

“Oh. Congrats.”  _ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

Leah frowned and sat down beside Fatin on the bench. It was after school and Fatin had been waiting for Leah to be done with her meeting with the school’s college advisor so she could drive her home. (Fatin didn’t know why she decided to meet with her, all Leah had to do was say she was one of the Unsinkable Eight and she would practically be guaranteed a spot at any college. Leah had called it a “pity” acceptance and that she actually wanted to earn it. It was so honorable. So Leah.)

“You don’t sound excited.” Leah looked so disappointed and Fatin internally kicked herself for letting her stupid feelings get in the way of her friend’s –  _ just friend _ – happiness.

“I am,” Fatin lied, plastering on a wide smile. Leah seemed to believe it, a smile appearing on her own lips.

“I’m just surprised. It took him so long, I thought he would never do it.” That was true.

“Fatin, we’ve only been talking for three weeks,” Leah said with a roll of her eyes.

“Three weeks is a long-ass time. If I was him, I would have asked you out on the first day.” But she didn’t ask Leah out, did she? Fatin was now facing the consequences of her inaction. It fucking sucked.

“Some people like to get to know each other before going out on a date,” she said as if it were the most obvious and common thing in the world. Perhaps it was, but Fatin’s brain latched onto that one word,  _ date _ , and was simultaneously filled with unimaginable rage and sorrow.

“You mean fucking a guy you just met isn’t a sound strategy for finding a boyfriend?” What else could Fatin do besides bottle up her feelings and make a joke at her own expense?

“That only works if you’re looking for something casual and I am not.” Right after she said it, her phone dinged. There was a big, goofy smile on her face as Leah read the text she just recieved. The knife buried itself deeper into Fatin’s chest.

Leah wasn’t looking for something casual. She was looking for something serious, something steady. Fatin didn’t know the first thing about that. She feared if she tried, she would fail. Failure meant hurting Leah. Failure meant becoming her father. Those were two things she never wanted to do. The best (and only) thing she could do was suck it up, be Leah’s friend, and let her be happy with someone else.

Shit. Was this what Ian had felt like? Maybe she should talk to him, ask him to give her pointers on how to get over Leah. He had said he moved on, that the feelings had gone away, but sometimes Fatin would catch him staring at Leah like she had put the stars in the sky. Fatin didn’t hold it against him. She probably looked at Leah that way, too. She didn’t think there was such a thing as ever getting over Leah Rilke.

* * *

“What do you think of this one?”

Fatin allowed her eyes to land on Leah once the girl had spoken. She had been fighting really hard against peeking while Leah had changed clothes. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before (they had gotten pretty used to stripping down to their underwear in front of all the other girls on the island to swim or to wash up). But being alone in Leah’s room was far more… intimate. And Fatin’s feelings were easier to ignore back then.

She let her gaze travel over Leah’s body. She wore a low-cut, spaghetti strap, semi-casual black top and jeans that made her butt look great (the jeans were cuffed, of course). Her usual ear piercings were all in place, but she had put on a simple gold chain necklace with a little black gem in the middle. Her hair was down, but she had a hair tie on her wrist. It was a simple outfit, but gave the impression that at least some thought was put into it. Leah looked beautiful. She always did. Even so, Fatin’s breath caught in her throat like it was the first time she noticed.

“So? What do you think? Too casual?” Leah looked herself over in the mirror.

“Rilke, you could wear a trash bag and still look hot as fuck.” She wanted to tell her she looked stunning in all the outfits she had tried on.

Leah flashed Fatin a smile over her shoulder and said, “not helpful.”

She inspected the outfit in the mirror once more, then made her way to the bed to look at the other outfits she had already tried on. Fatin’s eyes had never left her. She should have been more careful. Leah looked up at Fatin (who was sitting up against the headboard of the bed) and their eyes locked. Fatin’s heart hammered in her chest. Leah’s expression didn’t change. She glanced back down at the clothes laying on her bed and Fatin tried not to make it obvious she had been holding her breath.

“Besides the trash bag, which outfit did you like best?” Leah glanced back up, but Fatin was ready this time. She made a show of looking at the options laid out before her. Any of them would have worked, they all made her look great, but Fatin had already picked a favorite.

“I think... “ She pretended to make a decision. “The one you’ve got on.”

Leah nodded and looked at the clothes on her bed once again, as if choosing whether or not to agree with Fatin even though she had asked for her opinion. Fatin wouldn’t have minded if she picked something else. But the one thing her current outfit had that the others didn’t was the view of her collarbones. Leah’s collarbones looked like they were chiseled by God herself. If it drove Leah’s date half as crazy as it did Fatin, he wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes off her. At that thought, Fatin almost changed her answer. But then she reminded herself not to be selfish. Leah was going on a date with a boy and she had asked for Fatin’s honest opinion and if there was one thing Fatin always tried to be for Leah, it was to be honest (well, besides that  _ one thing _ ).

Leah’s fingers grazed over the fabrics of the clothes. She hadn't looked up again. Fatin had noticed the shift in her behavior, but wasn’t sure what had caused it. She was even less sure what to do about it. Actually talking about their feelings or asking if the other was okay without cracking a joke about it was something they still struggled with (it was something all eight of them struggled with). Fatin was caught between saying something or letting Leah bring it up.

“I’m nervous,” Leah whispered. In the silence of the room, Fatin could hear it clearly.

She finally looked up and met Fatin’s eyes. Fatin sat up straighter, tucked in her legs, and patted a spot on the bed just in front of her. Leah walked around from the foot of the bed to the side of it before climbing on to sit cross-legged with Fatin.

“How come?” Fatin asked once she realized Leah wasn’t going to say anything else.

Leah’s fingers fiddled with the cuffs of her jeans and she stared down at the movement. Fatin just stared at Leah’s face, battling her desire to reach out and soothe Leah’s bottom lip free from her teeth with her thumb.

“This is the first, like, real date I’ll have gone on since  _ him _ .” She hadn’t even said his name, but Fatin could see the way she flinched at the end of her sentence. Months of therapy and Leah had been doing a lot better, but there were bound to be things she had yet to experience again that she used to associate with him.

“It’s okay to be scared, this is like, a big thing.” Fatin internally chastised herself. She really needed to get better at the whole  _ comforting _ thing.

“Yeah.” A beat. “It is.”

Leah stopped messing with the cuffs on her jeans. Instead, she placed her hands on her thighs and finally turned to face Fatin. She still looked nervous.

“But, I’m kinda also worried that I’m gonna suck.”

“Rilke, you don’t suck at anything.” It came out of her mouth faster than she could think it through. It was a compliment, meant from the bottom of her heart, although it was said in a somewhat joking tone because she didn’t really know how else to compliment people (especially people she  _ liked. _ But, that aspect was very new).

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Leah joked back. She wasn’t the best at receiving compliments. Maybe that’s why they worked so well.

The smile slipped from Leah’s face and just like that, the somewhat lighter atmosphere from their joking was gone.

“I feel like… like everything with… Jeff… was a lie. Like, what if I suck at kissing and he never said anything because, I don’t know... everything about it was fucked up. And then what if Aiden wants to kiss me and then I suck at it and he doesn’t want to go out again? And –”

Fatin placed a hand on Leah’s knee, causing her to go quiet instantly. Leah’s eyes refocused on Fatin and she gave her a reassuring smile.

“Leah, I’m sure you don’t suck at kissing.” Leah opened her mouth to interject, but Fatin shot her a look before continuing, “Besides, even if you did suck, that shouldn’t be a deal breaker. And if it is, he wasn’t worth your time anyway.”

Leah seemed to chew over Fatin’s words.

“But I don’t want to suck.”

“Then practice.” She shouldn’t have said it. She should have kept her mouth shut.

“Practice? Who would I even do that with?” Leah didn’t sound convinced.

“Me.”  _ Fuck _ . It was too late, it was out in the open. Fatin really should have kept her mouth shut. Leah just stared at her.

“I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want. I just thought, you know, independent third party.” She couldn’t backpedal fast enough. It was a lie as well. She wasn’t a fucking independent third party. She was way too involved. This was a very bad idea.

“Okay.”

  
  
“Really?” Fatin internally winced at how eager she sounded.

“Yeah, you know more about this stuff than I do.” By  _ this stuff _ Fatin knew Leah meant kissing and romance. Truthfully, she didn’t know more about it. Not at all. She knew physical attraction, how to spot it, sexual tension, and how to have fun. Dating, kissing (with feelings), and romance were things Fatin had practically no experience in.

“Right,” she lied.

They stared at each other for a few moments. Fatin realized she probably should have been saying something. Or doing something. She had just offered to let Leah practice kissing with her. What a fucking stupid idea.

“So… Are we gonna…” Leah didn’t finish her question, but Fatin knew what she was asking.

“Right, yeah.” God, she was a fucking mess. And an idiot. She scooted closer to Leah on the bed while Leah adjusted her sitting position to fully face Fatin.

They sat cross-legged, knees pressing together for a few seconds. All they did was stare at each other. Fatin tried to calm her racing heart. Leah’s eyes flicked to her lips before returning to her eyes and Fatin realized that was that. There was no way she could back out now, it would look entirely too suspicious. She kept her hands to herself as she leaned forward, there was no platonic reason for pulling Leah in by the face, so she wouldn’t do it.

Leah met her halfway. Her lips were soft and warm and everything Fatin had imagined. But it wasn’t  _ exactly _ how she had imagined it. It wasn’t real. It didn’t mean anything. Fatin desperately wanted it to mean something.

Their lips were just pressed together statically for a long moment before Fatin’s initial shock had worn off. Against the tiny voice in her head that told her it was a bad idea, she kissed Leah deeper. Just barely. It took another moment for Leah to respond in kind. Fatin wondered what the hell she had been worried about. She was a phenomenal kisser. But, maybe Fatin was just biased.

Fatin didn’t know which of them intensified it, but soon they were kissing almost like it meant something. Breathing was becoming shallower, Fatin’s lungs started burning. Leah nipped at Fatin’s lip and that was as much as she could take. She pulled away as inconspicuously as she could. Fatin opened her eyes to see Leah was still leaning forward slightly, her eyes still closed. She remained so only for a second before her eyes opened slowly. Leah was looking at Fatin like… Fatin wasn’t sure. Part of her worried she had been found out.

“I don’t think I needed to suggest you practice. You’re clearly a natural,” Fatin hoped her joking-ish compliment didn’t fall flat. She was still reeling from the kiss. She hoped Leah couldn’t notice.

“Right. Thanks.” Leah blinked at her. Fatin’s heart and mind were racing too quickly for her to think clearly. She gave Leah her best, most put together smile. Leah smiled back. Just like that, they were back to normal.

* * *

“So, how’d it go?” As Ian asked it, Fatin looked up from her phone to see Leah approaching.

Leah came to a stop in front of the school picnic table Ian and Fatin were sitting at. She smiled down at the ground, pink dusting her cheeks, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Fatin’s grip on her phone tightened.

“Good.” She sent Ian a smile as she sat down.

“Just good?” Ian teased her. Fatin didn’t know how he could act so calm. Maybe he really had been telling the truth when he said he was over Leah.

“It was great. Aiden’s really nice.” She blushed again. Fatin clenched her jaw.

“He better be,” Ian warned. His unspoken threat of  _ I’ll kick his ass if he isn’t _ was plain.

“So, was it better or worse than the first one?”

Fatin didn’t know what else she expected them to talk about, but she didn’t need the reminder that last night was Leah’s second date with that boy. Her loathing of Aiden was completely unwarranted, but it was easier to hate him than herself. It was her own fault for staying silent about her feelings, so she couldn’t blame him for asking Leah out. He didn’t steal Leah away when she was never Fatin’s girl to begin with, but it kind of felt like he did. So she did hate him. But, it didn’t really keep her from hating herself, too.

“Better, for sure.” Leah sounded so excited. Fatin couldn’t take it anymore. She stood abruptly and walked away. There wasn’t anywhere in particular she wanted to go, she just needed to get away from the conversation about how  _ wonderful _ Leah’s date had been.

* * *

“Fatin, are you even listening?”

Fatin snapped out of her staring match with the photo on Leah’s dresser. It taunted her, even from all the way across the room. It was a photo of them, just them, from winter break when Leah’s parents had taken them up to Tahoe. They were sitting on the couch in the living room of their cabin, bundled up in blankets. Leah was practically in Fatin’s lap and they were smiling widely at the camera. Fatin vividly remembered that day. They had gotten in a snowball fight, which had gotten so intense they had shoved snow down each other’s coats and pants. It took a long while for them to warm up afterwards, even with millions of layers and sharing blankets.

Fatin turned to Leah, her attention now in the present moment. She tried to look like she hadn’t been zoned out.

“Yeah, of course.” It was a lie. Leah frowned. It didn’t look like she was buying it.

The minute Leah had started talking about Aiden, Fatin decided to clock out. She had searched around the room for something to take her mind of her building anger and had spotted the photo of them from two months before. Fatin really didn’t want to listen to Leah talking about him, but it wasn’t like she could say that. They had been going out for two weeks and it was getting more painful for Fatin every day. It was also getting harder for her to hide her discomfort.

“What’s with you? You’ve been acting weird for weeks.” Leah looked at Fatin expectantly. She had thought she would have been annoyed at her for not having listened to a word she had said, but she only looked concerned. It made Fatin feel guilty.

“It’s nothing,” she tried to lie again.

“It’s not  _ nothing _ , Fatin.” Leah stared at her. Fatin couldn’t meet her gaze. She looked over at the photo again.

Fatin realized she couldn’t lie her way out of the situation. She couldn’t run, either. It wasn’t an ideal situation, with Leah having a boyfriend, but if she waited any longer, it would only get worse. Fatin had to tell her. At the very least, she wouldn’t have to keep acting like she was fine hearing about  _ Aiden _ every day. At the worst? Fatin didn’t want to think of the possibility of not being friends with Leah, but she couldn’t ignore how painful remaining friends would be.

“I’m jealous.” Fatin kept staring at the photo.

“Fatin, just because I start dating someone does not mean you’re not going to be the first person I come to about things.” Fatin knew she was trying to be reassuring, but that wasn’t what Fatin meant.

“I’m jealous you’re dating him and not me.”

Leah didn’t respond. Fatin was never really one to cry, but at that moment she felt close to tears. The silence stretched on and Fatin only grew more distressed. Finally, she looked over at Leah. She was staring at Fatin, but her expression was unreadable.

Fatin was about to open her mouth, apologize for ever having said anything. Before she could, Leah’s lips were crashing into hers. It was needy and desperate and Fatin kissed back just as fiercely. It could have been a huge mistake. Leah was with Aiden and Fatin was just letting Leah kiss her. And Fatin was kissing back. She couldn’t do this. Fatin pulled back.

“What about Aiden?” No matter how much Fatin wanted to keep kissing Leah, she wouldn’t let her become a cheater.

“What about him?” Leah said it a little breathlessly and Fatin pushed down the pride at having caused such a reaction.

“ _ What about him? _ Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

“Not really.” Fatin gave Leah a confused look.

“He asked me to be his girlfriend, but I haven’t said yes,” she clarified. Fatin was still confused.

“So, you’re not dating?” At that, Leah looked guilty.

“Well... “ Fatin’s heart sank. Then, Leah continued, “I told him I wasn’t sure.”

“Why weren’t you sure?” Fatin dared not let herself hope.

Leah bit her lip, looked down at her hands in her lap. Then, she stared up at Fatin, with cheeks tinted pink, and Fatin’s heart fluttered.

“Every time I kissed him, all I would think about was kissing  _ you _ .”

“Oh.” Fatin couldn’t really form words. Her heart was beating rapidly and her cheeks felt hot. Leah was smiling shyly at her and it didn’t make it any easier to think.

“Yeah.  _ Oh _ .” Her smile widened. Fatin found herself smiling as well.

Leah looked down at her hands again, but when she looked back up, all the shyness was gone. The only way Fatin could describe her expression was one of desire. Fatin’s throat ran dry. Leah’s gaze dropped to her lips and this time Fatin did what she had always wanted to. She placed her hands on Leah’s face and pulled her in for a kiss. It was soft and it  _ meant something _ . Fatin smiled and pressed another chaste kiss to Leah’s lips before pulling back slightly, leaving her hands on her cheeks.

“So, does this mean you’re single?” Their faces were still so close together, Fatin felt more than she saw Leah smile.

“Do you want me to be single?” Fatin heard the challenge in Leah’s voice. She was sure (if she didn’t second guess herself) that Leah was asking Fatin to ask her out.

“Leah Rilke, will you be my girlfriend?” Fatin thought about asking her out on a date first, but she really couldn’t help herself.

“Yes,” was all Leah could get out before Fatin pulled her in for another kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos, comments, and hits are all cherished and appreciated!
> 
> Send me an ask or come chat on tumblr if you like. @i-can-see-queerly-now


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